Food for Thought by Leigh Currey Merrifield

Since I’ve reached the senior age category (actually, I reached it some time ago!), I’ve noticed that my phone calls, postal mail and e-mails have increased.

I get all too frequent phone calls from insurance companies wanting to sell me special policies for “old people”, but of course they don’t word it that way.  My mailbox is loaded with AARP magazines and notifications … and I’ve lost count of the “old” jokes I receive via e-mail.  Once in a while, though, the senior discount specials they send make it all worthwhile!

One of the most important things that can perhaps be said of us seniors is that we still have a sense of humor.  Or at least most of us do.   If you’re lacking in the “humor” department, then don’t bother reading any further; but if you still enjoy chuckling, then by all means, read on.

As we age, we often pick up a few extra pounds.  One senior reasons it this way: ‘We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.  So I’m not fat; I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!’  Sounds like a reasonable explanation to me!

Another senior was ecstatic about her age, saying, ‘Oh my goodness, I’m RICH!  I have silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystals in my kidneys, lead in my butt, iron in my arteries, and an inexhaustible supply of natural gas!  I never thought I would accumulate such wealth!’

Yet another senior exhibited a positive attitude with this comment.  ‘I’m not old … Every day I lift my arms, I move my knees, I turn my neck, and everything makes the same noise: crrrrrrrrrraaaccccck.  I have reached the conclusion that I am not old, I’m crispy!’

Another senior developed some sarcasm after being rebuked by her kids for not being ‘up to date’ with technology.  She said, emphatically, to her children …. ‘Don’t EVER make fun of me again if I ask you for help with computer stuff.  Remember, there was a time when I  taught you some of your very basic skills like how to use a spoon and how to tie your shoes … and without harassment!’

While we’re touching on the subject of computers, one senior remembers when … a ‘computer’ was something on a science fiction TV show .. a ‘window’ was something you hated to clean … ‘ram’ was the cousin of a goat … a ‘gig’ was a job at night … an ‘application’ was filled out for employment … a ‘program’ was a television show … a ‘cursor’ used profanity … a ‘keyboard’ was part of the piano … ‘memory’ was something you lost with age … a ‘cd’ was a financial investment … ‘compress’ was something you did to the garbage not to a file … a ‘log on’ was adding wood to the fire … a ‘hard drive’ was a long trip on the road … a ‘mouse pad’ was where a mouse lived … and a ‘backup’ happened once in a while to your commode … ‘cut’ you did with scissors … ‘paste’ you did with glue .. a ‘web’ was a spider’s home … and a ‘virus’ was something similar to the flu.   Seniors seem confused that ‘computers crash’ but they are happy to hear that no one has been killed by one.   They just don’t understand why these techie young kids keep changing the definitions of their words!

My good friend in New York just sent me this … see, I told you the “old stuff” just keeps coming by the droves!

For those of the senior generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists, one senior citizen says this ….. “I am trying to ‘make friends’ outside of Facebook, and I am applying exactly the same principles.  Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I did the night before, and what I will do later and with whom.  I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.  I also listen to their conversations, give them the ‘thumbs up’ and tell them I ‘like’ them!  And, guess what!  It works just like Facebook.  I already have four people ‘following’ me: two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist!

This week’s dessert:  “He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition,  youth and age are equally a burden.”  ~  Plato